Grappling with Graham’s Gayness

Contributed by the misplacedmtnman

One of the most ridiculous and mean-spirited insults that Senator Lindsey Graham has had foisted upon him recently is the charge that he is gay. Now come on, there are numerous issues that we could debate with our representative, there are several questionable votes for which we could criticize him, but his sexual orientation? As with race in this country, I thought we were supposed to have moved past this sort of thing!

I didn’t like his vote for Kagan. I think she is a terrible pick for the Supreme Court, and will be worse than Ginsburg for decades to come. But I listened to Graham’s reasoning for his vote, and read a couple of opinion pieces supporting his decision, and I reluctantly had to let it slide. I still don’t like it, and I think America will suffer terribly as a result of her appointment, but Lindsey was right: elections have consequences and Obama would just find somebody ten times worse anyway. What can you do? Act like a jackass Democrat and make a fool of yourself opposing her, knowing she will get seated anyway, or take the high road and let it go? After all, it’s not Lindsey’s fault you people elected Obama. This is the hope and change you wanted, right?

I guess certain people aren’t satisfied with simple political debate such as this and prefer to resort to giggle-spattered whisperings about Senator Graham’s sexual orientation. Lindsey is in his mid-fifties and is not married, therefore he must be gay! Brilliant deduction, Sherlock. I am in my forties and am not married, but that is only because I sucked at the marital racket. Apparently I am impossible to live with, but that doesn’t cause me to crave the affections of my fellow man. It just means that I now get to do what I want without interference from a nagging female.

Since Senator Graham has not been spotted out and about town with a woman on his arm, naturally we must assume he is a homosexual. Quite frankly, I think those who are interested in this subject are sick. They, like many viewers of modern television, are obsessed with sex. They have an unhealthy fascination with what other people do naked behind closed doors. Personally I shower, but that’s nothing anyone would be interested in seeing, nor really needed to hear about in the first place. But that disgusting thought aside, perhaps Lindsey just doesn’t care all that much about marriage or dating. Maybe he is happy being single! Is this possible? Can the twisted, perverted minds among us fathom such a concept? Maybe he is too busy working at his job to worry about hookin’ up with a hottie!

I don’t know. Lindsey might be gay. But who cares, besides the sex-obsessed, sophomoric simpletons who are always looking for this kind of scandal? I don’t give a rip what turns the guy on – if anything – as long as I don’t have to hear about it. It’s none of my business, nor do I care for it to be. I am just as uncomfortable around “openly-gay” individuals as I am “openly-heterosexual” people loudly recounting their licentious sexual escapades for all to hear. Can everyone just shut up about this topic and keep to themselves? Whatever happened to modesty?

We are all told that we should be tolerant of people with varying sexual preferences, but the first chance available someone yells, “You’re GAY!” and this is supposed to be a horrendous insult that ruins someone’s reputation perpetually thereafter. What we are told we should lovingly accept and carefully understand suddenly becomes a major negative that ends someone’s career and shames them forever. In reality, this is just another low-blow tactic used to silence those with whom the accuser disagrees.

Hopefully, just like the tiresome old charge of racism, the ridiculous accusation of gayness will soon become an unimportant and empty threat. For once I wish we could forget about sex and return to the real issues for the love of Bill Clinton. None of this debate over sexual preference really matters in the long run. I long for a time when such things were not discussed in public, and the word “faggot” simply meant “a bundle of sticks used to fuel a fire,” instead of the hateful, humiliating invective some people use it as now.

Besides, it is much more effective to call someone a liberal or a progressive these days anyway. That’s offensive enough. If that doesn’t work, try socialist.

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