Running for Political Office for Dummies: 2010

Contributed by Brian Fisher

So, with all the current self-help books out there, such as Computer for Dummies or Sex for Dummies, I figured it would be helpful to write a quick 5 step guide to help one run for office if you ever feel the urge.  So, if you are considering a run for office any time soon, this is a must read.

1.  Be a Jackass

It doesn’t matter what you do or what you plan on doing, if you are in politics you can pretty much say or do just about anything and it is accepted.  You can sleep with whomever and deny it or you can even get arrested for assault and start a political blog.  At the end of the day, it truly does not matter.

2.  Look after Yourself

Damn what the voters think, do what will get you reelected or what your party tells you to think in order to put more money in your pocket.  You can make a lot more money if you look after large corporations as opposed to the American People.

3. Blame Others

The old saying that you point one finger toward someone else but three fingers point back to you does not apply in politics.  No matter what the situation, blame it on the administration before you.  As long as someone held the office before you did, your in great shape.

4. Make False Promises

Unlike the real business world, in politics you can make promises to the American People that you have no intention on keeping, knowing you will not be able to live up to them once elected.  In corporate America, you would get fired.  But in the political world, you can blame your inability to get something done on the other guy (see number 3).

5. Wait till Next Year

Here in Gamecock Country; we are used to this saying.  Well, hell, the same goes for political decisions.  If you don’t want to vote on a controversial subject, table it for next year.  If you want to do it but you know it is not feasible, tell the American public it will be done by the end of next year (see number 4).

By following these five simple suggestions on how to act while running for a political office, you will find yourself fitting right in.  You never know, you may even become president of the United States or better yet governor of our great state of South Carolina!

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